Why do I have such a bad feeling?

I had been wondering how is she getting on before i view her friendster. But why i still feel so bad when i already knew that she love her life now (This is what she wrote in her friendster)? Is it because i can't bear to see her enjoying her life? Of cos not!!! This will be the last thing i will think of. Or maybe i am thinking what we will become if we didn't end up like this. What will be our ending if i didn't hurt her so much by being so unfaithful? What can i do to win back her heart after i had brought so much hurts to her? Go to her and knee down to beg her for a last chance? The urge is strong but there is always some one inside of me holding me back. He will ask, do u think u will put her in a very difficult position or remind her of the past and spoil her life again if u try to do that? I always tell myself that now i have nothing. I want to get success in my life and i have to be very sure that i can give them a happy life then i will do what i always wanted to do. Bi and Baby i miss and love u so.